


Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

by Dramatiics



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas works a lot, Character Death, Christmas, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:17:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21984748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramatiics/pseuds/Dramatiics
Summary: Cas struggles to make it home in time for Christmas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from, but here you go.
> 
> Sorry in advance. 
> 
> Love you! <3

“I’m on my way.” 

“You said that four hours ago. It’s fine if you don’t want to come, just don’t lie to me Cas.” 

Cas wasn’t lying he really was on his way, but things just kept coming up, stopping him, and he can’t help but take it as a sign, a bad omen. 

He had promised Dean, his boyfriend of five years that he’d make it home for Christmas. Cas’ job had temporarily relocated him to San Francisco, California to help launch a new product while Dean had to stay behind in Lawrence, Kansas running his business. 

Winchester Restorations was Dean’s pride and joy and had really been seeing an increase in clients ever since he was featured in a national magazine and was invited as a guest to the Los Angeles Auto Show earlier that year. All in all, it's an amazing achievement, but it’s also hard because Dean used to accompany Cas when he was called away on business.. In the five years they’ve been together, they have never spent Christmas apart. But not this time, not the most important Christmas of all. 

Cas had planned on proposing this Christmas. Dean had been dropping hints lately, and as cliché and cheesy as it is Cas wants this to be one of Dean’s gifts. He wants to hand him this little square box wrapped in the most obnoxious wrapping paper and drop down on one knee to ask Dean one of the most important questions of their lives. 

He just hopes Dean still wants to marry him after the fight they had. 

Are still having. 

See the thing is, things have been strained between them since Cas was asked to go to San Fran. For the first time since Cas started traveling for his job, Dean asked him not to go. But Cas couldn’t do that. This launch was a huge step for his career, everything he’s been working towards. It would help him to provide a better life for them. Get them a better home, one with more rooms that gave them enough space for a nursery. 

Something else Dean has been hinting at. 

But when Cas explained all of this to him, Dean still said no. Even went as far as calling Cas selfish. Cas was doing this for them. He wanted them to have a better future. 

When Cas boarded the plane to San Fran things had been tense. Dean was still mad at him, but they made the most of moments together. It would be months until Cas would come back and they didn’t want to spend it bickering at each other. So, they ignored all the hurt between them and pretended everything was okay. 

They called every day, facetimed every night, and texted whenever they could. Dean came out to visit him twice, but each time Cas felt like they were moving further and further away from each other. 

It only got worse when Cas told Dean he’d been offered a position as the project lead and that he’d been asked to permanently move to San Francisco. 

They had their biggest fight that night. Words were said, promises were broken, and feelings were hurt. They didn’t talk for a few days after, just an exchange of morning and evening pleasantries to let the other know they were alive. 

Cas couldn’t make it home for Thanksgiving, Dean’s favorite holiday, and that put an even heavier strain on their relationship. Cas had too much to do at work and it didn’t seem like the most responsible idea to spend all that money to fly home for only a few hours; and he didn’t want to take Dean away from family so he didn’t offer to fly him out for the holiday either. 

They talked for the first time that night, a long conversation full of apologies, ‘I miss you’, and ‘I love yous.’ They avoided the topic of Cas’ new job offer; he didn’t have to give his company an answer until January 24th. It felt nice to talk to Dean. He had missed his boyfriend so much. 

He promised to be home for Christmas. Booking the flight while on facetime with Dean. 

His heart hadn’t felt so full in a long time. 

The following day he let that feeling carry him to several jewelry stores until he found the perfect ring to propose to Dean with. He wanted to make this man his husband. They’d figure out the rest later. 

Many couples did the long-distance thing. Cas was sure they could do it to. And it wouldn’t be forever, just a year or so. 

They could make it. 

They were strong enough. 

\+ 

Cas was doing his best to make it back home one time, but it seemed like everything that could go wrong did go wrong. First Cas got stuck in the office far longer than expected. When he was finally able to get back home he had to quickly pack and almost forgot the ring. But what he did forget in his haste was his I.D. card. Thankfully he noticed it not too far away from his house, so he was able to ask his driver to turn around and double back to his apartment. Once at the airport, he made it through security with no incident only to be halted by a notification that his flight was being delayed. He had been in touch with Dean the entire time, keeping him updated on his status and hang ups. He quickly called Dean to let him know that his flight has been delayed. 

“Hey Dean. Looks like my flight has been delayed. I talked to one of the workers, but they claimed they didn’t know when we’d be able to board the flight.” Cas said exasperated. 

“Sure, Cas.” 

Cas didn’t understand where the attitude was coming from, but he chopped it up to Dean being just as frustrated with everything as Cas was. 

“I’m on my way.” 

“You said that four hours ago. It’s fine if you don’t want to come, just don’t lie to me Cas.” Dean said. Frustration and defeat bleeding into his words. 

“What, Dean? Dean I’m doing my best. I promise. I’m doing everything I can but-” 

“But be here.” Dean interrupts. 

“Dean what do you want me to do? I can’t very well fly the plane myself. 

“You should have been here earlier.” 

Dean-” 

“No Cas, because you shouldn’t have been in San Fran at all. I told you I didn’t want you to go. It’s done nothing but tear us apart.” 

“Dean, baby, I’m sorry. I’m doing my best. I took this job for us.” 

“No, Cas. You took that job for you.” Cas is taken aback by Dean’s words. “You know what, I can’t do this anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” Cas nervously asks. 

“This Cas. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. It’s too-” 

“Please don’t make that decision yet. Please Dean. Please wait until I get there so we can talk in person. I don’t- I don’t want to end this over the phone,” Cas voice breaks, “thousands of miles from each other. Please Dean, let me come home so we can talk about this.” Cas clutches at the ring box in his pocket. Having taken it out of his luggage and placing it into his jacket pocket after passing through security. 

“Please, Dean.” Cas pleads once more. It can’t end like this. Cas won’t let it. 

“Fine.” Dean says before ending the call. 

Cas rushes to the flight attendant and demands to know the next available flight he can get one. 

It takes him two different planes and one long taxi ride before he makes it back home to Dean. 

It’s nearly midnight as Cas makes his way into their shared home. The lights are off and Dean is already asleep in bed. 

Cas has had several hours to think of what he was going to say to Dean. What words he is going to tell the man he loves to convince him not to give up on their love but that all flies out the window the minute he steps foot into the house. All Cas knows is he wants to marry Dean more than ever. He can’t let him go. 

Seeing Dean in person for the first time in months, and it has to be under the worst circumstances. His boyfriend looks thinner than he remembers but still just as breathtaking. He leans forward and places a kiss on the other man's cheek before he gently shakes him awake, “Dean. Baby wake up.” 

Dean blearily blinks up at him, “Cas?” He asked hopeful. 

“Yeah baby, it’s me.” 

“I didn’t think you’d make it.” Dean confesses. 

“I know.” Cas leans down and kisses Dean again, this time Dean leaning up to meet him halfway. 

Cas wants nothing more than to crawl into bed with this man and hold him until things are better, but he knows he can’t do that just yet. “Mind if we talk?” He asked hesitantly. 

Dean sits up and pats the bed beside him. Cas quickly join him on the other side of the bed. 

His side of the bed. 

They’re silent for what feels like forever. Dean being the first to break it, “I love you Cas.” He says as he reaches out for the other man’s hand. Dean’s hand even feels smaller in his. 

“I’m so sorry Dean. I’m so sorry.” Tears begin to fall down his face. “I put so much before you and I’m so sorry.” 

Dean wipes the tears away. “It’s okay, baby. You’re here now.” 

“It’s not, but I’ll do my best to make it up to you.” Cas promises. 

Dean pulls him into a deep kiss, Cas deepening it further as they fall further onto the bed and into the sheets. 

It’s been entirely too long since he’s heard his name fell from Dean’s lips, tangled up in moans as they tangle around each other. Cas holds him close as he pushes in and out of Dean. Doing his best to show him just how much he missed him. He kisses apologies, promises, and I love you into Dean’s skin as they both tumble over the edge together. 

“I love you, Cas” Dean says as they lay next to one another facing each other, his hands caressing the side of Cas’ face. 

“I love you so much, Dean.” 

This is the moment; this is moment Cas wants to ask Dean for his forever. Cas reaches out and collects the hand on his face, pressing kisses before he reaches down into his discarded jacket. 

“Dean, I know we have so much to work through, but I can’t go another day without asking you this.” He hears Dean let go of a small gasp as he opens the small box, “Marry me?” 

Dean begins to cry, tears falling fast down his face. He slowly shakes his head from left to right and back again. 

“I’m dying, Cas.” 

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to complete. I just honestly haven't had any motivation to write. Buy I'm slowly trying to find myself back.   
Here is the second part of the story.  
Enjoy.

_ Three years later… _

There’s something tragically beautiful when the weather matches your mood. When you’re surrounded by the bitter cold, the grey sky, and the misty rain. Like a chorus to a sad song. 

He quickly grabs his coffee, breakfast sandwich, and blanket out of the Impala. His feet carry him up the familiar path of the cemetery, unconsciously retracing the steps he’s taken so many times before. He waves a somber hello to familiar faces. 

He notices some plants that have grown in from the mix of sunshine and rain they’ve gotten lately. He pulls most of them from the ground, only leaving the bright yellow ones. The ones that remind him of sunshine, of Dean. 

He used to allow all of the flowers to stay where they bloomed, but the dandelions had become too much. Taunting him of wishes that will never come to be. 

He sets out the blanket and makes himself comfortable, leaving enough room for Sam when he stops by after work. 

“Hello, Dean’” his voice cracks over his husband’s name. “Sam should be here in a bit. He’s off doing big lawyer things. You’d be so proud of him, Dean. He’s on track to make partner soon.” Cas takes a steadying breath, “and Jack, Jack is growing like a weed. Very curious boy, always getting into everything.” 

Cas will forever enjoy talking to Dean, even if the pain in his chest never subsides. Dean has always been the easiest person for Cas to talk to, even in death. He feels lighter sitting here catching his husband up on everything going on.

Cas tries to imagine what Dean would respond. Imagine the way his voice would curve over the imaginary words. Remembering the soothing rumble of Dean’s voice brings a sad smile to Cas’ lips. It’s one of Cas’ biggest fears, forgetting the way Dean’s voice sounds. 

Tears fall down Cas’ bearded cheeks, mixing in with the already fallen rain. He stubbornly never brings an umbrella when he visits Dean. He likes to believe that the rain, and even the sun and wind that soak his clothes, cling to his bare skin, is Dean saying hello, sending his love. 

He falls forward, hands clutching onto the gravestone  tightly as a fresh wave of pain washes over him, feeling as though he hasn’t been mourning the loss of Dean for years. Numbing himself to the pain. 

“I miss you, my love.”

Sam finds him in the same position shivering a little over thirty minutes later when he arrives. 

“Cas,” he says softly. Then again when Cas doesn’t respond, “ _ Cas.” _

Cas moves enough to bring his face towards his brother-in-law. His eyes stained red with loss. 

“Let's get you home,” Sam says gently. 

“I’m okay,” Cas says back softly. 

He hates days like (this?). Days where he feels like he’s drowning from all of the pain, heartache, and guilt. Where innocent hoping twists itself into deep yearning. The yearning to be with Dean forever, where time can’t touch them. 

He can feel Sam’s concern for him growing. For months, Sam had to force Cas to eat, get out of bed, to  _ exist. _ And he’s doing the same now. Trying to coax Cas back into the land of the living with soft words. The longer it takes the more heartbroken Sam becomes, the more frustrated he gets. 

Cas doesn’t blame  him; he lost his brother after all. 

_ “Castiel.” _ The use of his full name gets his attention. But mostly it’s the fact that Sam reminds Cas of Dean when he pronounces his full name. “It’s time to go.”

“No, thank you.” Cas says politely. The rains have begun to fall harder.

“It’s pouring rain, my brother will understand if you head home.”

“No, thank you.” He repeats. 

“You don’t have to punish yourself by staying out here in the rain. It’s been three years since he-”

“I know how long it’s been, Sam. I do not need a reminder.” Cas interrupts. 

“I’m just saying, you’re being too hard on yourself. Maybe it’s time for you to move...forward. Dean wouldn't want you to punish yourself. To stay living in the past like this, Cas. It’s not healthy.”

The past is where Dean is...was. 

Cas glares at Sam, “And how do you suggest I do that, Samuel?  Your brother is the love of my life. I can’t just move on. I can’t just accept that he’s gone. I can’t just forget him. He’d never do that. I can’t do that to him. I can’t-” his voice breaks into a sob.

“I’m not suggesting you forget, Dean. I would never suggest that. I just want you to remember who you have at home. Jack needs you. Your son needs you.”

“I need Dean.”

Sam pulls Cas into a tight embrace.

“My brother’s gone Cas,” Sam's voice breaks over the words. “I promised Dean I would take care of you two. Please Cas, help me keep my promise to him.”

“I miss him. Sam, I miss him so much. I don’t feel whole without him.” 

“I miss him too, Cas.” 

“No, Sam. You don’t get it,” Cas cries out. “I let him down. I let him fight this on his own and now it’s too late. He’s gone. I wasn’t there to save him. I promised I would always protect him. I was supposed to be his angel. He called me his angel and I couldn’t live up to the name. I let him down, Sam. I couldn’t save him.”

Sam wraps him up in his arms as Cas’ guilt consumes him. 

“Cas, you did all you could. We all did. Dean kept this from all of us. You know what a martyr he was.” Sam tries to reason. 

“He’s my husband. I should have known. If I hadn’t  been so focused on my job, so worried about our future I would have seen what was right in front of me. I would have realized he wasn’t on any stupid diet. I would have seen the weight loss for what it was. I should have paid better attention.” 

“Pay attention to Jack now! He needs his dad.” Sam pleads, “Cas, you know what it was like growing up for us after mom died. How Dean had to take care of not only me but our dad too. Don’t make the same life for Jack.”

Cas knows how hard it was for Dean growing up. How much it affected not only his adult life but his life as a father. Afraid to make the same choices his father did. 

It’s this reminder that pushes Cas into getting up and heading home. “Let’s go home.”

He takes his time saying his goodbyes to Dean, promising to see him soon. Promising to look after their son. 

+

They mostly sit in silence on the ride home. Cas overthinking every action that led him to loosing Dean. “You think it was selfish of me to take that promotion? Moving so far away from Dean?” If he’s being completely honest, he regretted his choice to move after about a week of sleeping alone but he had been too stubborn to admit it. He underestimated how much he would miss his Dean. Though it was what he needed to do in order to create a stable future for them. 

“I think you did what you thought was best.” 

Dean confessed that he found out he was sick three months into Cas’ relocation and kept it to himself even longer. 

Another thing he regrets, seeing as he should have been home. It shouldn’t have taken this type of confession for Cas to make his way home. Once home he devoted all of his time. Taken on another job that allowed him to work from home the majority of the time. 

Within the two years Dean was in remission. Cas proposed, they got married, bought a house, and on March 16th at 8:16pm Jack Winchester-Novak was born via their surrogate and best friend Charlie. 

A year and three months later, Dean’s health rapidly declined. The Cancer had come back more aggressive and ten months later, Dean had taken his last breath.

“Do you think we were selfish to have Jack?” 

“No! What would make you think that?” Sam asked?

“Because he didn’t ask to be born into so much pain. Into a house that isn't whole. He was promised two parents and now he only has me.” 

“Cas, Jack has brought so much joy into all of our lives, especially Dean’s. He loved being a Dad, and he got to experience that before he passed.”

“I just...I just feel bad that he has to grow up without him.”

“Me too. But he has you, me, Jess, Bobby, Ellen, Charlie, and everyone else to shower him with love, and keep the memory of Dean alive. We’ll tell him  every day how much Dean loved him.”

They fall back into silence the remainder of the car ride home. 

Cas takes a moment to himself before entering the house with Sam. He needs to put on a brave face for his and Dean’s son. 

He takes a look up at the house from the bottom of the driveway. Cas is eternally grateful to his brother and sister in law for opening up their home to him and Jack. The thought of coming home to a home without Dean is too much to bear. Too many memories in every room, their shared bed too empty, the house missing its most important person. 

Eventually he and Jack will move back in. Create new memories while blending old ones together. Cas will share all the memories of Dean with his son, pass on all the traditions Dean can’t. 

He smiles at the thought of stringing popcorn together with Jack during Christmas. It was one of Dean’s favorite holiday traditions. They had to start buying double the popcorn because Dean would end up eating half of it. Cas can’t wait to share that memory and tradition with their son. 

He takes a deep calming breath and makes his way inside. As soon as the door swings open, he’s greeted by their  blond-haired son; a spitting image of Dean, running towards him with open arms. 

“Papa!” he screeches. 

“Hello, Jack.”


End file.
